Really bad dog and cat jokes

Dad: Johnny, I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but Rover got hit by a car, and he died. I guess God wanted Rover in Heaven.

Johnny: What would God want with a dead dog?

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

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A man driving home from work one day hits a cat. He gets out of his car, sees that the cat is dead, and that a little old lady is watching from a window in a little house. He goes up to the house and rings the doorbell. When she comes to the door, he says, "Ma'am, I am very sorry that I killed your cat. I would like to replace it."

The little old lady looks the fellow up and down, and says, "I suppose you will do. How are you at catching mice?"

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A woman finds an old lamp at a yard sale. When she gets it home, she gets out a cloth to polish, and to her amazement, a genie pops out! The genie offers the woman the quintessential three wishes. The woman asks for a new house. With a poof! her little cottage turns into a beautiful, spacious mansion. Next, she asks the genie to make her young and pretty again. She looks into a mirror as poof!! - her arthritic old body is restored to youthful beauty. For her last wish, she asks for her cat to turn into a handsome young gentleman. With a final poof!!! her cat is transformed into a handsome young gentleman. He takes her in his strong manly arms and whispers into her ear, "I"ll bet you are sorry now for that little trip to the vet!"