Grumpy Wet Cat ....Not Me! I'm just Hanging Around ... Thanks CBC News!

Who, Me? I am not a Grumpy Wet Cat! I am just a Little Kitten, just hanging around.
But thank you to the weather guy on CBC News, for your Google experiment!

Really bad dog and cat jokes

Dad: Johnny, I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but Rover got hit by a car, and he died. I guess God wanted Rover in Heaven.

Johnny: What would God want with a dead dog?

* * * * *

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

* * * * *

A man driving home from work one day hits a cat. He gets out of his car, sees that the cat is dead, and that a little old lady is watching from a window in a little house. He goes up to the house and rings the doorbell. When she comes to the door, he says, "Ma'am, I am very sorry that I killed your cat. I would like to replace it."

The little old lady looks the fellow up and down, and says, "I suppose you will do. How are you at catching mice?"

* * * * *

A woman finds an old lamp at a yard sale. When she gets it home, she gets out a cloth to polish, and to her amazement, a genie pops out! The genie offers the woman the quintessential three wishes. The woman asks for a new house. With a poof! her little cottage turns into a beautiful, spacious mansion. Next, she asks the genie to make her young and pretty again. She looks into a mirror as poof!! - her arthritic old body is restored to youthful beauty. For her last wish, she asks for her cat to turn into a handsome young gentleman. With a final poof!!! her cat is transformed into a handsome young gentleman. He takes her in his strong manly arms and whispers into her ear, "I"ll bet you are sorry now for that little trip to the vet!"

No Ways! Another Doggy Sweater?

I cannot believe what you’s gone and did to me, again even! Didn’t I say it? Didn’t I say it? I’s is sure I said: ‘NO MORE DOGGY SWEATERS!!!!!” Didn’t I say it? And what did you do? You went and knitted me another doggy sweater. Why you gotta keep knittin’ these doggy sweaters? Why can’t you knit sompting for the cat?

There’s is noooooo waaaaayssss I’s is gonna wear this, this, what is this? A circus costume or sompting? A fuzzy strippedy circus costume? You ’spect me to walk down the doggy path in this thing? All the other puppies is gonna laugh at me. Is that what you wants? All the other doggies laughin’ at me?

Just look at this one! Just look! Are yous’es even lookin’? This doggy sweater is too little for me. Firstest you knit me a little doggy sweater an ‘ it’s too big for me, and then nextest you knit me a little doggy sweater that’s too small. What’s are yous’es thinkin’ – that I’m just like Goldilocks? Are yous’es gonna knit me another little doggy sweater that’s just right?

I’s is such a cute little puppy dog. I don’t need no doggy sweaters. You go knit one for the kitty cat.